On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day. And I agree.
- Chuck Norris once broke the Internet by Googling his own name. - Sadly, there will never be a 3D Chuck Norris movie. His kicks would send audiences into a coma
- The MacBook Air was the result of Chuck Norris accidentally sitting on a MacBook Pro. - Chuck Norris took that bite out of the Apple logo
- Regular keyboards can withstand up to 1 million keystrokes. Chuck Norris has never been able to type his first name successfully.
- A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.
- Chuck Norris sneezed twice -- Hiroshima and Nagasaki were no more. - Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher. MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy. The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends". Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg. The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris…… when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
..... And on the Eighth day, God created Chuck Norris ....and ran the f**k away in fear of what he had done.
-A little boy was crying in Metropolis. Superman came along. -Little boy why are you crying? -A man told me I'm gonna die in 2 hours. -Who told you that??? just say the name and I'll beat the sh*t out of him !!! -Chuck Norris -Well kid, can't help you there. When you gotta go, you gotta go....
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium. A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." "Icy-Hot" is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA. Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion. Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple. Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.