"The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof. "
"Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris " "When Chuck Norris was born he roundhouse-kicked the doctor dead for hitting his butt. "
Chuck Norris was about to send an email when he realized it'd be faster to run. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash. --------------------- When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please." --------------------- After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”. --------------------- OJ didn't do it. Chuck Norris DID. --------------------- Donald Trump once fired Chuck Norris, Donald Trump now has a combover. --------------------- In the movie 300, King Leonidus yelled,"This is Sparta!!!." Chuck Norris laughed. --------------------- Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the special Olympics. --------------------- seriously - Hiroshima was Chuck Norris's response to bad sushi.
"If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. "
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. The North American Bison nearly went extinct because Chuck Norris needed a leather jacket.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. That's not an eclipse, that's the sun hiding from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is so fast he can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together. When Chuck Norris jumped into the ocean, he didn't get wet, the water got Chuck Norris'ed.
Deaf people did not exist until Chuck Norris was asked to speak a little louder at the McDonalds drive through.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete Only Chuck Norris can divide by zero