You left off the end of the story. The Baptist minister was baptized permanently, and the other three thus revised their greatest sin.
After stumbling into my first AA meeting last night, I sat down and said, "Hello, I'm Mick and I'm an alcoholic." "Are you drunk right now?" asked some guy. "Yes." I slurred. "Thought so," he replied, "This is a mosque.".....
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the midwife. "No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own." After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman: "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black." "Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was black." "Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see, the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy." "Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes." "Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice." At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!" "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark." The midwife fainted.
A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?” Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.” “What’s that mean?” asked the child. “Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.” ... The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.” Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said, “OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.” The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?” The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, another dog is pushing her home.”
A new small business was opening and one of the owner's friends arranged for flowers to be sent to mark the occasion and wish the owner luck.The flowers duly arrived at the new business site and the business owner read the accompanying card to find it said, "Rest in Peace." The business owner rang his friend and told him what the card read. The friend was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should consider this: Somewhere there's a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'" Yesterday at work, I saw someone being horrifically inefficient and told him, “Dude that is definitely slowing you down.” He replied, “Well yea it is, but I’m in the kitchen remodeling business so I’m supposed to be counter productive.” An employee goes to see his supervisor. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "Sorry, but we're short-handed," the boss replies. "I can’t give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says the employee. "I knew I could count on you!"
"TOWEL HEADS" .... Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note: We all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words. I have been informed that the Islamic Terrorists, who hate our guts and want to kill us, do NOT like being called "Towel Heads", since the item they wear on their head is not actually a towel, but in fact, a small folded sheet. Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little Sheet Heads" Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter
Little Johnny is delivering newspapers. He knocks on a door and says to the lady, "I'm collecting today... that'll be five dollars." She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but I'll gladly give you some great sex instead." Little Johnny agrees, "All right." He walks in and the lady undoes his pants and pulls them down. To her surprise, she sees the biggest penis she's ever seen. Little Johnny then reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of washers, and begins sliding them onto his penis. The lady says, "You don't have to do that... I can take all of it." "Not for five bucks you can't," replies Little Johnny.
I would just like to say to all you folk on here who think it's funny to post things about other creeds and cultures, It's about time I said something on this site about all these racist jokes . I'm getting fed up with them now and find them very offensive. When I was a youngster and growing up, my best friend was a black lad and we used to play happily together. Until my dad sold him!!..
A priest and a Rabbi were arguing as to whether sex was considered work or pleasure. The priest argued that sex was procreation of the species, therefore it was work. They each went to their superiors and agreed to revisit the issue. A little time passes, they get back together and pick up the discussion. The priest says: "I spoke to the bishop, and He agrees that sex is work." The Rabbi says : "I spoke to my Rabbi and He said it was definitely pleasure, because if it was work, we'd make the blacks do it."
The Voodoo Penis A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop & explained his situation. The man there said, "Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Voodoo Penis!" The husband said "The what"? The man repeated " The Voodoo Penis" and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, "It looks like a dildo!" The man then pointed to the door and said, "Voodoo Penis, door!" The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" and the penis stopped & returned to the box. The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife, And after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch". The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, the woman said "I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me..." The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, "Yeah right... Voodoo Penis, my ass...!" The rest, as they say, is history..
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
Complete and Finished The difference between the words 'complete' and 'finished' Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED but there is: When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!
A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana. Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors: "Used regularly, pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!" "Now wait a minute, Professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? That's absurd!" "No young man, it's sadly true," replied the Teacher smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
"You're so childish" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends, this is ridiculous, this relationship is over!" "This relationship is what? Over"
A porn star goes into an employment agency looking for a job. He tells the secretary he wants a new line of work. The agency gives him an interview and then find a job for him as a petrol pump attendant. A week later the woman at the agency phones the gas station to see how he's getting on. "He's was great", says the man at the gas station. "He was hardworking and popular with ladies. But we have to let him go because he's got a problem." "What's that?", says the lady at the employment agency. "Well, he puts the petrol pump in the tank and starts filling it up, but when it's almost full he would pull the pump out and sprays the petrol all over the windscreen."
I love my job as an anaesthetist. Just as my patient is about to go under, I love to call them by the wrong name and tell them not to worry your vasectomy will be over shortly!