I had ten bottles of good rum in the house. But my wife made me throw them away. I took the first bottle, drank a glass, and threw the rest into the sink. I took the second bottle, drank another glass, and threw the rest into the sink. I took the third bottle and drank the rest and threw the glass into the sink. I took the fourth bottle, drank it in the sink, and threw the rest into the glass. I dropped the fifth glass I threw the cork into the sink and drank the bottle. I took the sixth sink, drank the bottle, and threw the glass into the rest. The seventh bottle I picked up the rest and drank the sink. I took the glass, drank the rest, and threw the sink into the eighth bottle. I threw the ninth sink into the glass, picked up the bottle and drank the rest. The tenth glass, I took the bottle from the rest and threw myself into the sink.
One guy wrote on his facebook status: "Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but I acted responsibly and took an Uber." 400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend: "Where did you go in the Uber bro? The party was at your house!"
The husband comes home from the hospital, where he visited his mother-in-law. His wife asks, "How's my mother?" The husband responds: "Your mother is very well, healthy as a horse, and will live for a long time." Next week she will be discharged from the hospital and will live with us for many, many years. The woman, surprised, asks: "How can it be? Just yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed and the medical staff said she should have only days to live !? The husband responds, "I do not know how it was yesterday, but today, when I asked the doctor about his mother's condition, he told me that we should prepare for the worst.
Every Friday at 8pm a guy came in a bar and ordered 3 beers at the same time. He took one, the other, the third, paid the bill, got up and left. One fine Friday the waiter, already intrigued by it, asked the man, 'Excuse my curiosity, but why do you drink 3 beers every Friday at the same time?' And the man said, 'Because I have two brothers, and each of us lives far away. So, every Friday at 8:00 p.m., each of us goes into a bar and asks for 3 beers. We take one for each of us. And our way of keeping in touch and thinking about each other ... 'On another Friday, the man enters the bar and the waiter asks:' 3 beers, as always? ' And the man says, 'No. Only 2. ' The waiter froze. One of his brothers died, he thinks. It's a little awkward, he brings 2 beers and asks the man: 'Excuse me, my friend, but ... it's always 3 beers ... something happened to your brother, some ...' And the drunk: 'No , they're all well ... I just stopped drinking! '
A beggar enters a bar, goes to one of the tables and asks the man sitting there, "Could you buy me some coffee?" The man responds: Do not you prefer a beer? -No sir. I do not drink. "Do you want a cigarette after breakfast?" -No sir. I do not smoke. "I'm making a lotus wheel here." Make a guess there. I'm sorry, sir. I do not play. -Listen here. You play a show with some girls? "Sir, I'm married. I do not betray my wife, I am faithful to her. Having said this the man got up and went home carrying the beggar along. When he got home, he asked his wife to make some coffee. The woman, then, intrigued, asked her husband, "What was the matter with you to bring this dirty, ragged beggar home?" "I've brought you to see how a man who does not drink, does not smoke, does not play, and does not give a f**king deal off once in a while.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes. The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it: "Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please." His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a tea pot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep. After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went. The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn. The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared. The receptionist responds: "Well, comrade major did quite like your tea gag."
Been dating the same girl for 5yrs. Been dating the same girl for 5yrs and I always keep her picture in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life I take out my wallet and stare at her picture. And it comforts me knowing that if I can survive being in a relationship with this psychopath, I can survive anything.
A drunk upon arriving at home decides to drink a glass of water. But because of his state of ebony, and the haste, he does not notice that in the glass there was a small live rat, which ends up swallowing it. When he notices what happened, he gets almost good and rushes out into the first hospital he finds. In fact, he went into a hospice and the first doctor he met was not a doctor, he was a madman dressed in white. Then the drunk, still terrified, explains what happened to the doctor. This picks up a piece of paper writes the recipe and returns it to the drunk who goes straight to a drugstore to prepare the prescribed medication. The pharmacist reading the prescription asks what his problem was. After explaining the drunk the pharmacist laughs and says it makes sense. The madman had written: "Take a cat every two hours and sit in a trapdoor
I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing... She's behind with the washing!
At the funeral of his mother-in-law, his son-in-law receives a shovel and is invited to throw earth in the coffin, the man takes the shovel and looks at the coffin for a long time and does not sketch any reaction and turns away. One of the family members asks his son-in-law: Will not he throw dirt in the coffin? the son-in-law replies: Who buries s**t is a cat ...
An entrepreneur was in the middle of a journey through the Amazon when he entered a restaurant and asked for the menu. After reading the whole menu and not being interested in any dish, he asked the waiter a suggestion: "The dish the tourists like best is Hipoglós, sir. - Hypoglossus? he shouted, scared. "What kind of dish is that?" Very calm, the waiter replied, "Baked Pacu, sir!"
Would everybody be careful on the roads over christmas as a lot of men will be getting drunk and there wife's and girlfriends will be driving them home thanks.