A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driving licenses The motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. she says to the cop, "i must have left it at home officer." The cop says, "Well, do you have any other identification?" The blonde motorist scuffled around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror She looks at it and says to the cop, "All i have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." so the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it and repiles, "Well if i had known you were a police officer, i wouldn't hve pulled you over. You can go now."
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten or fifteen seconds. The man went back to reading his book. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Although assuming the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she takes a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, I couldn't help but notice that you have sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?' The woman replied, 'I am sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm.' The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before', he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?' The woman nodded. 'Black pepper.'
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying "T-G-I-F". He smiled at her and replied "S-H-!-T". She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-!-T". The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-!-T". The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-od I-ts F-riday; get it?" The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no, but explained the situation. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now." "Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh!t."
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says, as she pops her eye back in place... 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre Followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.. she listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO Incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?' 'No,' she replies. . . . . . . . . . Wait for it. It's coming. . . . . . . . The suspense is killing you, isn't it? . . . . . She says: 'You just happened to catch my eye.'
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the hell is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?" The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!" So the woman asked, "Is this a record?" To which the man replied, "No, its average!"
After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others. Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap. To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them. After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck." ====================== The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday
1. Two blondes walked into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want marijuana, press the hash key...' 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.' 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high..' 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.. 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.. Police say that he topped himself. 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.' 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common? ' 'It's not unusual'. 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed? 'No, because he's really heavy' 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.' 'How's that?' the doctor asks. 'Don't you start' says the guy. 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says > to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bast**d!' 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 21. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.' 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore' 23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Hopefully this will bring tears to your eyes too. Please take time to read this slowly. For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB. Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America. Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted". Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY... Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy s**t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy. CHILI #2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY... Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chili tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY... Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chili peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uraniums pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer. CHILI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY... Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER... Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chili peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I 'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them. CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY... Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to s**t myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone ice-cream. CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY... Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably). Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing- it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY... Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry? Judge # 3 - No Report
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm whilst these exchanges were taking place. Q. Are you sexually active? A. No, I just lie there Q. What is your date of birth? A. July fifteenth Q. What year? A. Every year Q. What gear were you in at the time of impact? A. Gucci sweats and a pair of Reeboks. Q. This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory? A. Yes. Q. And in what ways does it affect your memory? A. I forget Q. You forget. Can you give us an example of something you have forgotten? Q. How old is your son, the one who is living with you? A. Thirty eight or thirty five, I can’t remember which Q. How long has he lived with you A. forty five years. Q. What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A. He said “Where am I Cathy?” Q. And why did that upset you. A. My name is Susan Q. Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A. We both do Q. Voodoo? A. We do Q. You do A. Yes, voodoo Q. Now Doctor, is it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the following morning? Q. The youngest son, the twenty year old. How old is he? Q. Were you present when your picture was taken? Q. So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A. Yes Q. And what were you doing at the time? Q. She had three children, right. A. Yes Q. How many were boys? A. None Q. Were there any girls? Q. How was your first marriage terminated? A. By death Q. And by whose death was it terminated? Q. Can you describe the individual? A. He was about medium height and had a beard Q. Was this a male or a female? Q. Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A. No, this is how I dress when I go to work Q. Doctor how many Autopsies have you performed on dead people A. All my autopsies have been on dead people Q. All your responses must be oral. OK which school did you go to? A. Oral Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A. The Autopsy started around 8.30 p.m. Q. And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A. No, he was sat on the table wondering why I was doing an Autopsy. Q.. Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Q. Doctor, before you performed the Autopsy, did you check for a pulse? a. No Q. Did you check for breathing? A. No Q. So it is possible that the patient was alive when you started the Autopsy? A. No Q. How can you be so sure, Doctor? A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar Q.. But could the patient still have been alive, nevertheless? A. Yes, it is possible that he could have still been alive and practicing law somewhere.
A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl. "Nothing but the best for my little kitten. " The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat." The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food. Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies. The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, "That smells like crap." The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, "Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of toilet paper?" Never fool around with a Little old lady! -------------------------------------------------- A woman, applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove, seemed to be far too qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" She replied: "I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum' With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. 'Dear, Mum. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Nicholas. " P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk" I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home
A different take on post #335 Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from Connecticut: "Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy s**t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the fire out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. > > > Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. >>> Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a toxic waste spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; my backbone is now in the front of my chest. I'm getting s**t-faced from all the beer. > > > Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac, or what? > > > Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The chili cook seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks! > > > Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I s**t myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone. > > > Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like s**t to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach. > > > Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili? FRANK: (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
One beautiful morning papa mole came outside his home he took in a big wiff of the fresh air and noticed something "it smells like bacon. mama mole come out here!" he said mama mole came out "smell the air" papa mole said so mama mole took a big wiff "oh my it smells like... PANCAKES. baby mole come out here!" baby mole comes out and had a hard time getting past his parents so he stayed behind them "what do you smell?"mama mole asked baby mole sniffed and whiffed then mama mole asked "well? Doesn't that smell delicous?" baby mole was very upset that he couldnot smell the deliciousness and cried out "I don't know! All I can smell is mole-asses!"
Two old ladies are standing outside the nursery home having a smoke. Suddenly raindrops begin to fall. One of the old ladies fumbles in her purse and takes out a condom, clips off the tip and pulls it over her cigarette. The other old ladies says: what is that? She replies: that is a condom, it keeps my cigarette dry. The other lady, where do you get those? She replies: at the local pharmacists. Next day the other old lady goes to the pharmacists and orders a packet of condoms. The pharmacist asks: what kind of colour, size, taste or brand do you prefer? The old lady says, I don't care as long as it fits a Camel. Considering her age the pharmacist fainted.