The death came overnight.. Woman herself always experiences it as the last! The death came overnight.. Woman herself always experiences it as the last! Goodbye Dona with your Legacy Windows 10 welcome Windows Core OS a new modern OS, Andromeda OS and Polaris OS but it's a : WC-OS codename Santorini - sub-codenames: Centaurus, Pegasus Build it for the world's most minimal hardware and make it as expensive as possible, call it: Windows 10X
The wife was texting me all day yesterday saying she was in casualty. I watched all 50 minutes of it last night and I didn't see her once. She's still not home yet either and I'm getting hungry!
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."
A boy calls 911… A boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning!
Standing at the edge of the lake, a fisherman saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Another man was standing on the shore screaming for help. The fisherman ran over to the man. "Help!" the other man yelled, "I can't swim! My wife's drowning! I'll give you $1000 if you save her!" The fisherman jumps in the water, swims powerfully out to the drowning woman, puts his arm around her, and swims back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman coughs up water, then says, "[cough] OK, bud, where's my grand?" "But, this is my mother-in-law!" The fisherman reaches into his pocket with a frown and says, "Just my luck. Ok, how much do I owe you?"
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They both got 6 months. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory… All I did was take a day off! What's the difference between a calendar and me? A calendar has dates. I declare a war on calendars! Their days are numbered. Just bought a Jehovah Witness themed advent calendar, behind every door someone tells you to f**k off Why is Stevie wonders calendar like meeting people on tinder? It’s all blind dates...
1st year--The husband says, "Oh, sweete pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from Tosini's. I've already arranged it with the head nurse." 2nd year--"Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?" 3rd year--"Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something--do we have any canned soup around here?" 4th year--"No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!" 5th year--"Why don't you take a couple aspirin?" 6th year--"You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!" 7th year--"For pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store."