Harley Davidson is closing many of its Plants Due to Declining Sales. Apparently, the Baby Boomers all have motorcycles, and Generation X is only buying a very few and the next generation, the Millennials, aren’t buying any at all. A recent study was conducted to find out why? Here are the reasons why Millennials don't ride motorcycles, and why sales are down: 1. Pants won't pull up far enough for them to straddle the seat. 2. Can't get their phone to their ear with a helmet on. 3. Can't use 2 hands to eat while driving. 4. They don't get a trophy and a recognition plaque just for buying one. 5. Don't have enough muscle to hold the bike up when stopped. 6 Might have a bug hit them in the face and then they would need emergency care. 7. Motorcycles don't have air conditioning. 8. They can't afford one because they spent 12 years in college trying to get a degree in Humanities, Social Studies or Gender Studies for which no jobs are available. 9. They are allergic to fresh air. 10. Their pyjamas get caught on the exhaust pipes. 11. They might get their hands dirty checking the oil. 12. The handle bars have buttons and levers and cannot be controlled by touch-screen. 13. You have to shift manually and use something called a clutch. 14. It's too hard to take selfies while riding. 15. They don't come with training wheels like their bicycles did. 16. Motorcycles don't have power steering or power brakes. 17. Their nose ring interferes with the face shield. 18. They would have to use leg muscle to back up. 19. When they stop, a light breeze might blow exhaust in their face. 20 It could rain on them and expose them to non-soft water. 21. It might scare their therapy dog, and then the dog would need therapy. 22. Their man bun wont fit under a helmet.
Apparently Melania was also taken to hospital once she heard the news Trump had the virus. For plastic surgery, to take the smile off her face
My wife phoned me. "There are two men standing outside," she whispered in a panic. "I think they are going to break in to our house." I said, "If they force their way in, don't let them have anything good. Ok?" "Ok, ok. I'll try my best!" she cried. I said, "No television. No Xbox, none of my expensive shirts. Ok?" "Ok, ok!" she shouted. "But--my goodness, honey, what if they ask me for sex?" I replied, "That'll be fine. I said 'anything good'.
I asked my wife if she'd like a diamond necklace for her birthday. She said "nothing would make me happier!".....So I got her nothing instead....
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.. His friend Doug stops him and asks, 'Hey Bob ! Whach’a get the case of beer for?' ‘I got it for my wife, eh.' answers Bob. 'Oh!' exclaims Doug, 'Good trade.'
A man is angry because he has it in his head that someone stole his wallet. He walks into a church to steal someone else's wallet, but he has a change of heart during the service. He confesses to the priest afterwards about what his intentions had initially been. The priest asks, "What made you change your mind?" The man says, "In your sermon on the Ten Commandments when you got to 'Thou shall not commit adultery,' I remembered where I left my wallet!"
I was clearing out my late German Grandfather’s closet. And I decided to give all his Old Clothes to a Charity Shop. I handed over the Bag of Clothes to the shop assistant who was rummaging through it. When a horrified expression formed on her Face. “How dare you bring this Uniform in to my Shop” she exclaimed angrily. “This is a Sick Symbol of Pain, Shame and Humiliation”..?!?!? Hugely embarrassed at this turn of events, I quickly took back the Bag. “I’m truly sorry” I said.* “I had no idea he was a Man Utd fan”..?
I had to go to the doctors today. "Hey Doc" I said, "I'm here because I've been getting these terrible headaches recently.""Hmm. Have you been drinking enough?" he asked. "Yeah" I replied, "I downed 2 cans in the waiting room."
Grandma And Grandpa Were Visiting Grandma and Grandpa were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills, and the son said, "I don't think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?", asked Grandpa. "$20.00 a pill", answered the son. "I don't care", said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and I'll leave the money under your pillow." The next morning the son found $120.00 under his pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $20.00, not $120.00." "I know," said Grandpa, "The extra $100.00 is from Grandma.
I thought I was listening to a Kate Bush song in the car when I realised that the radio was off and I needed to have my brake pads changed.
30% of women are on medication for a mental illness. That's scary. It means 70% are running around untreated.
I was walking by the river bank the other day, when an angler caught my eye. I wonder how much compensation I'll get...
If you know someone who will be lonely this Christmas, having their Christmas Dinner alone, please let me know. I need to borrow some chairs!!.
Tom and Kelly had been seeing each other for a few months, so Tom invited her home to meet his parents. They walked in the door, and his mother fawned all over her. His dad, however, turned deathly pale at the sight of Kelly. He grabbed Tom and took him to another room. "Son, I have to tell you something. Y'know, your mum has been a good wife and a great mother to you kids... but to be completely honest, she never really excited me in the bedroom. So I used to fool around a lot." Tom gasped, but before he could get a word out, his father added, "Your mum knows, but she always turned a blind eye... Anyway, there's no other way to put this: Kelly is your half-sister." Tom was utterly devastated, and of course broke it off with Kelly, but he eventually picked himself up and started seeing another girl, Anna. Again, once it started to get serious, he invited her home to meet his parents. Again, his mother fawned over this lovely girl her son was seeing. And you guessed it, his father turned white as a sheet, and dragged him to another room, "Son, I hate to break this to you, but Anna is your half-sister too." Tom was again devastated - and again, broke off a highly-consanguineous relationship. A few days later, Tom's sitting at the breakfast table with his mother, and complains, "Jesus, Dad got around. Every time I meet a girl, it turns out she's my half-sister." His mother's eyes immediately went wide and she yells, "WHAT?!". Tom says, "Hang on, Dad said you knew about his fooling around?" His mother moves closer to him, takes his hand, and says, "I do... I do know... but Tom, you need to know..." "... he's not really your father."
In the not-too-distant future, Barack Obama dies and - like all U.S. presidents - summarily goes to Hell. The Devil greets him, "Hi Barry. Because you were POTUS, you get to choose which punishment you'll receive for all eternity." The Devil opens a door, and shows him Richard Nixon, being boiled in lava, screaming his lungs out in pain. Obama doesn't like the look of that. The Devil opens the next door, and there's Donald Trump, lashed to a park bench made of spikes, with pigeons crapping on him and other demons mocking him. Again, Obama recoils. So the Devil opens another door, and there's Bill Clinton tied to a bed naked, with Monica Lewinsky between his legs, doing what she does best. Obama thinks for a moment, then says, "OK, this doesn't seem bad at all, I'll take it." The Devil smiles and says, "Right-o... hey Monica, you can go now."
Every time I took a girl home to meet mum she made it very clear she thought the girl wasn’t good enough for me Sometimes it was the looks, sometimes the interests or sometimes even the sound of her voice. She made dating very hard One day I’d had enough and I thought, I’ll find a girl that looks like mum, shares the same interests and even sounds like her Unbelievably against all odds the next day I found someone exactly like that and made them fall in love with me So I took her home and guess what! Dad fucin hates her
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. 'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge. 'Toilette pepper!' yelled the Quebecer.