Jokes Jokes Jokes

Discussion in 'Forum Games' started by pedagogy, Jun 2, 2010.

  1. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

    Aug 5, 2015
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  2. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    My mate Cameron just told his wife that he had sex with another woman..
    She said, “Can you please repeat that for me..”
    He said, “Sure, I’m seeing her again tomorrow night...!"
     
  3. cadram

    cadram MDL Member

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  4. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    Pat and Mick were playing bingo. Pat kept looking over Micks shoulder saying "You've got that number mark if off, you've got that number mark it off" After putting up with this for some time Mick got annoyed and said "Why don't you do your own sheet"? - Pat replied "I can't its full"!!!!!!!!...lol
     
  5. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle-- which no longer works-- and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit.
    I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.
    "What are you doing" she asked.
    "I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him."
    Scanning the contours of my doughy, naked body, she mumbled, "You didn't need the gun!"
     
  6. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
    'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'
    'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'
    'How about transportation?' the father asked.
    'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered.
    The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
    Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'
    'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied.
    'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'
     
  7. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    My grandad turned 81 last week and I'm livid. Nobody's really celebrating though, after my grandad said "It's just another day. Like, what's another year?"
    I'll tell ya.
    A bloody long time when you're waiting for your inheritance!!..
     
  8. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    Tim used to get a box of raisins in his lunch every day.
    And every day, Bob one of his classmates would bother Tim.
    "Hey, Tim, gimme somma your raisins."
    Bob would go on and on until Tim gave Bob some raisins.
    One day Tim had a small lunch and was really hungry and told Bob to forget it. Bob grabbed for the raisins and they spilled out onto the floor.
    Tim was livid and saved the box.
    That night Tim filled the raisin box with rabbit droppings and glued the lid shut so that it looked like a new raisin box.
    The next day Bob came around as usual "Hey, Tim, gimme somma your raisins."
    Tim threw the box full of rabbit droppings to Bob.
    Bob greedily ripped open the box and poured a few into his hand.
    Bob notices the unusual appearance and says: "These dont look like raisins."
    Tim smiles and says: "Those are smart pills".
    Bob eats a few and says: "They taste like s**t".
    Tim says: "See? They are working already"
     
  9. zen45

    zen45 MDL Addicted

    Feb 25, 2010
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    TRIP TO ITALY...
    A young woman in New York City was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
    "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
    With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
    "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
    "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."
    "I see," the captain says.
    Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
    "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."


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  10. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
    At a Breaking morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
    'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns” but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer
    Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.“
    When asked to comment on the arrest, the President said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would havegiven us more fingers and toes.”
    White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
    It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
     
  11. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    Wasn't paying my wife much attention , as it was her birthday I decided I would give her a ring , that started another row Because I rang her from the pub.
     
  12. cadram

    cadram MDL Member

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  13. cadram

    cadram MDL Member

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  14. zen45

    zen45 MDL Addicted

    Feb 25, 2010
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    Invitation
    The hostess (with a daughter of marriageable age - of long duration) sent out an invitation to an officer (who was supposed to be the prospective suitor of her daughter's hand).

    "Mr. and Mrs. Dabney request the pleasure of Captain Black's company at dinner on the 16th of March."

    She was somewhat dismayed to receive the enthusiastic reply:

    "With the exception of four men on leave, and two sick, Captain Black's company accept with much pleasure your invitation to dinner on the 16th of March. There are 97 of us in my company."
     
  15. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice MDL Guru

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    A 75 Year Old Man talking to his penis,
    We were born together , grown up together , enjoyed life together ,
    Why did u die before me ?