There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution." The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it." The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
Husband and wife in bed, she says to him "say something dirty to me please", he replies "the kitchen".
A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. "She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
Overheard at the Gym: An older man, not in the best physical condition, said to the trainer in the Gym, "I want to impress that beautiful girl on the treadmill. Which machine should I use?" The trainer replied, "Use the ATM machine outside!"
English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor" Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses, "NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!
"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES" Do u want a documentary proof ?? Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!
What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"
Wife: Look at that man who has drunk a lot.. Husband: Who is he? Wife: 10 year ago, he was my boy friend and i denied him for marriage. Husband: Oh my god, he is still celebrating!!
Tom: I often get nervous and frightened during driving testes. Psychologist: Don't worry, You will pass it eventually. Tom: But sir, i am the Examiner..
Human: What is a century like to you? God: It is like s second. Human: What is billion dollars like to you? God: Like a penny.. Human: Can i have a penny? God: Sure, just wait for a second..
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!