Son: "Dad, when will I be old enough so I don't have to ask mom for her permission to go out?" Dad: "Son, even I haven't grown old enough to go out without her permission!"
Some old hunting buddies were enjoying their cognac after a supper of epic proportion when they fell into telling hunting stories. After everyone boasted of their once in a life time catch, the host suddenly says: "Have you ever heard of Notuses?" The buddies reply in unison: "What the hell are Notuses!?!" "Well" the host continues "They're about 3 feet tall, run around in packs and have this incomprehensible language." "But when you pointed your gun at them they ran away screaming 'No us! Not us!"
A 7 year-old and a 4 year-old are in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year-old, "I think it's time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you." "Okay," replies the 4 year-old. In the kitchen, when the mother asks the 7 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he answers, "I'll have Coco Pops, bitch." *WHACK* He goes flying out of his chair, crying his eyes out. The mother looks at the 4 year-old & sternly asks, "And what do you want?" "Dunno," he replies, "But it won't be fecking Coco Pops."