I love this one! >>>>> A man escapes from prison after 15 years. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> It >>>>>> is entering a house to steal money and a gun and he finds a young couple in bed. >>>>>>> It >>>>>>> commands man out of bed and ties him to a chair. >>>>>>> He then attaches the >>>>>>> wife in bed, he starts over and kisses her neck. >>>>> Then >>>>>>> the fugitive gets up and goes into the bathroom> bathroom. >>>>>>> The distraught husband while >>>>>>> take this opportunity to tell his wife >>>>>>: >>>>>>> >>>>>>> - "Listen my dear, it's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. This must be >>>>> long as he has not seen a woman. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I saw how he kissed you in the neck. >>>>>>> If >>>>>>> wants sex, do not resist,> do what he wants. >>>>>>> Give >>>>>>> satisfaction even if you loath it. >>>>>>> If >>>>>>> gets angry, he can kill us. Be strong honey. I love you! " >>>>>>> >>>>>>> His wife replied: >>>>>>> - "He did not kiss me in the neck. It >>>>>>> whispered in my ear that he was gay, he was to his liking you, and wanted Whether it had >>>>>> Vaseline. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I said yes, in the bathroom .. >>. Be strong honey .... I love you! " google translate.
Tap on the Shoulder A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly." The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
An angry wife to her husband on the phone: "Where the bloody hell are you?" Husband: "Darling you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and said baby it'll be yours one day. Wife, with a smile blushing: "Yeah I remember that my love." Husband: "I'm in the pub next to that shop."
Smart Arse Two businessmen in Sydney were sitting down for a break in their (soon-to-be) new shop... As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arse-holes." Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,"Must be doing well... Only two left." Pensioners -- don't mess with them!!!!!! they maybe old but they are not stupid.
Dave was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily. “What’s up Dave?” asked the bartender…It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.” “It’s my four year old son…” the man replied. “Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age,” said the bartender, sympathetically. “ I only wish it was that,” continued the customer, “ but it’s far worse than that. The little bastard has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant.” “Get away, that’s impossible!” gasped the bartender “It’s not,” said the man. "The little prick stuck a pin in all my condoms.”
A fishing A couple goes fishing for their holidays near a national park. The husband likes to fish at dawn, the woman prefers to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours fishing and decides to take a nap. The woman decides to take the boat. She is not familiar with the lake so she oar, anchor the boat and begins to read his book. Shortly after the ranger arrives in his boat. He approaches the boat and said: - Good morning, Madam. What are you doing? - I read my book, she meets and she thinks "Does this guy is blind or something?" - You are in a closed area for fishing, he said. - But Officer, I do not fish. Do you can not see it? - But you have all the equipment, Madame. I'll have to take you and accuse you. - If you do that I will accuse you of rape, the woman replied angrily. - I have not even touched you, grumbles the ranger. - Yes, it's true ... But you have all the necessary equipment!