Wedding ring: A lady noticed her friend was wearing her wedding ring on the wrong finger so she asked, "Why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Her friend replied, "Because I married the wrong man!"
Are we the ones with dementia? Are we the ones who are aging? Really! Sent to Me in an email by My mom. Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...) (Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.) (And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour) -------------------------------------------------- I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. (But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left) -------------------------------------------------- A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy. (Keep shuddering!!) -------------------------------------------------- I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....' PLEASE just lie down before you hurt yourself !!! -------------------------------------------------- Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies. A Brunette, by the way!! -------------------------------------------------- A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room,the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......' Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!' Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!! Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh....it is all true... Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80! 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 4. People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat supper at 5 PM . 9. You can live without sex but not without your glasses. 10. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 11. You can't remember who sent you this list. 12. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." God replied "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. Look at the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete, asphalt and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy." God replied "You want two lanes, or four, on that bridge?"
A blind marine accidentally walks into a lesbian bar. He sits down and says to the bartender :Hey! You wanna' hear a blonde Joke ???" The bartender walks up to Him and says: "Hey. I'm a blonde, and I have a gun behind the bar." "The other two girls to you right are blondes, and they have knives" "The other two women by the pool table are martial arts masters. and they're blondes" "Do you still want to tell that blonde joke?!?" The Marine says "Hell no. Not if I have to explain it four times"