A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” she asks. “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Children Are Quick TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's...Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher
My friend got called to a domestic violence incident and found an old couple on their porch when he got there. He greeted them and asked who called the cops. The lady explained that she was the one who called. He asked, why? She explained that they have been married for over forty years and today, for the first time, her husband took their marriage certificate and read it. She went on to say it made her so happy, just to see him show some interest, so she asked him lovingly, "honey, why are you looking at the document like that?" Then she said, " this man looked me in my eyes and said 'I'm looking for the expire date', so I called you to come get his a$# out man damn house before I kill him."