With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends and family about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well two days ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it
A must read for Grandparents.. At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative. 'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The little boy nodded 'yes'. 'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, di**head or a$$hole. Do you understand all that?' The little boy nodded 'yes' again. He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach "a dumb a$$ or sh**head" is it?' The little boy shook his head 'NO'. 'GOOD', said the coach.. 'Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!'
"Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband. "No"...said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her ...and smiled approvingly. "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"... she then asked her husband? "Uh...no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his voice). She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill... and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?" "No way" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused... and excited). "Well you’d better look in the garage!"...she said.
There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed. The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
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Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do." his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.