I told the doctor that I was experiencing hearing loss in one ear. He asked, "what ear is it?" I said, "2021"
Every year, Jim entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. One day, after praying vigorously and hoping for God's message, he headed out to the State Fair. A flash of lightning struck him as he was passing by Nadine's carnival booth. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see the number 7 written on each of her butt cheeks.He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a sign. He lost again.Sad. The winning number was 707. Moral of the story: Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life.
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names: - The tender one - the amazing one - Lady of my dreams She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother. Then she called the second number on which his sister replied . When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!! She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole months salary to make up for her sin. Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewellery and gave him the money Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved as "Abu Khalid the electrician”
The Boss Kyle and Justin were sitting down to eat their supper with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle saw the baby sitter sit down in his daddy's seat. "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Kyle exclaimed. "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied, matter-of-factly. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
Just had my 6th driving lesson.. Sure I'm getting ripped off.. He said "well done Tony next week you can sit in the front ."
$9,500 Black Angus Bull recently spent $9,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him..... ...but they kind of taste like peppermint. LOL
Terrorists in Baghdad recently blew up a drainage system. Police there are calling it a 'sewer-side' bombing..
Son Fails Walking On Water The month before Frank's 21st birthday, his father told him, "Did you know that something amazing happens to all the male members of your family when they turn 21?" "When your grandfather turned 21, he went to the lake and discovered that he was able to walk on the water. When my oldest brother, your uncle George, turned 21, he discovered the same. Me, your other uncles, your older brothers...all of them could walk on water at age 21 .""Cool!" said Frank. "I can't wait to walk on water! "A month later, Frank turned 21, and his family took him to the lake to see him walk on water. They got into a boat and rowed into the middle of the lake, and watched excitedly as Frank stepped out of the boat...but instead of walking on the surface, he sank. After he was pulled back into the boat, Frank said, "I don't get it! You all turn 21, and you can walk on water! I turn 21, and I can't!" "Hmm," said Frank's father. "Come to think of it, it may be because all our birthdays are in February but yours is in July..."
Whats the difference between a hotdog and a homosexual ? A hot dog doesnt fart when you take the sausage out
Crumpled Money While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt and seductively reached into her panties...... and pulled out a crumpled fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen Fifty Thousand Dollars all crumpled up?" He said, "No!," desperately trying to contain his excitement. She said, "Check the garage."
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed." The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
In days of old when knights were bold, And rubbers weren't invented. They tied a sock Around the cock, And pregnancy was prevented. --Anonymous
Went for a sports massage because of my bad back. The lady said this doesn't come with a 'happy ending' Damn right it didn't! ….At the end it cost me $140