WHO IS THAT MAN? After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend or brother then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before my operation."
A stubborn little girl ! An 8-year-old girl was walking down the street when a big man on a new motorcycle pulls up beside her and says, “Hey little girl, do you want to go for a ride?” “NO!” says the little girl as she keeps on walking. The biker pulls up beside her again and says, “Hey, I will give you $5 if you hop on the back.” “NO!” said the little girl and proceeded down the street a little quicker. The biker pulls up to the little girl again and says, “Okay look, I will give you $10 and a bag of candy if you hop on the back of my bike for a ride.” At this point the little girl turns to him and screams angrily, “ Look GrandPa, YOU bought the Honda instead of a Harley, so, YOU RIDE IT! ”
Air & Sex: Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting enough.
Santa Claus Hi all. The question that haunts us. You would like to see the prick of Santa Claus? COME DOWN. . COME DOWN. . . come down. You really con; There is no Santa Claus! How many times must you l say. Wiki.
A blonde went to electronic store and she asked, "How much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes." She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?" "Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave." A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'" A blond dyed her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on, She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer "If i can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?" "ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said "alright take one" As she was walking back to her car the farmer said "If i can guess your natural hair colour can i have my dog back?" A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
pancakes at the whisky... Hello Prepare the dough. Drink a whisky. Heat a frying pan. Drink still 2 whiskies. Put oil in the pan. Mix a spoon with the dough. Drink still 3 whisky. Put a little stove in the dough. Well Patelez slack. Look for another wouteille of bisky. Crepez turns. Cook the whisky still a minite petute. Remove the pan of the pancake. The pancake lift the floor. Grease the putting cure the sepe. Backcomb the sugar. Your the mable and loiva!
Funniest Letter Ever: Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday. Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter. Letter 1 ******* Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Bobby Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, So he tore up the letter and started over. Letter 2 ******* Dear God, This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like A red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend, Bobby Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again. Letter 3 ******* Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Bobby Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter. Letter 4 ******* God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Bobby Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. ''Just be home in time for dinner'', Bobby's mother told him. Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God. Letter 5 ******* God, I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE RED BIKE!!!!!! Bobby.
Police: Where do you live? Me: With my parents Police: Where does your parents live? Me: With me Police: Where do you all live? Me: Together Police: Where is your house? Me: Next to my neighbors house Police: Where is your neighbors house? Me: If I tell you, you wont believe me. Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house
Teacher: Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up. 'Nobody stands up' Teacher: I'm sure there are some stupid students over here. 'Little Johnny stands up' Teacher: Ohhh, Johnny you think you're stupid? Little Johnny: No... I just feel bad that you're standing alone.
The Hair Dryer A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."
Mr. Obama has invited some kids to have a question and answer event to gain more popularity, he wants to appear to be family friendly to gain reputation..... Kid: "Mr. Obama. My father has said that you and your friends are spying on us!" Obama: "This is not your real father......."
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”